As you may know, the Dice Man makes all his decisions on the basis of a throw of the dice. Imagine if Hamlet was the Dice Man…

If it comes up as 1, I’ll bump off my uncle.

If it comes up as 2, I’ll pop round and visit Ophelia.

If it comes up as 3, I’ll put on a play.

If it comes up as 4, I’ll get rid of those wasters Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

If it comes up as 5, I’ll sort Laertes out.

If it comes out as 6, I’ll have a rethink.

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