A bang on the head in the future tense
This article is part of series I am writing called Experiments in Style. It is my version of Raymond Queneau’s Exercises in Style (Amazon affiliate link), in which the author takes a very mundane incident and reworks it in various ways. A graphic version of the same thing is Matt Madden’s 99 Ways to tell a story (ditto). I think it’s quite interesting to see how a change in style can dramatically alter the feel of a piece. My ‘experiments’ are based on the article I wrote called A bang on the head.
In the middle of the night, I will wake up (if you can call being semi-conscious being awake), walk purposefully towards the door to go to the bathroom — and almost knock myself out.
The reason is that in the twin states of entire darkness and semi-somnambulance I will be facing in a different direction from the one I will think I am facing. As a result, instead of walking through the door, I will try to walk through the wall.
The next few days will bring nausea and headaches. After much prevarication I will go to Accident and Emergency, where I will wait petrified among people for whom “social distancing” means not quite touching you, and who wear their masks as a chin-warmer.
An hour and a half later I will emerge into the twilight, secure in the knowledge that I have nothing more serious than mild concussion. I will fail to do much writing, but I will be pleased to have read a further 17% of my book.